Living the Kamikaze Life

So, HRH recently chastised me for not keeping my blog up-to-date with my random life occurrences. I apologized because it was the truth, and what else can you say in response to the truth, except…I’m sorry. So I did. And that was about a week ago. I guess I’m slow. Or a slacker. Or just completely overrun by my kamikaze life. Time to explain!

What is a kamikaze life, you might ask? Well, according to the uber-knowledgeable database Wikipedia, kamikaze means in Japanese “god-wind” or “divine wind.” So, its origin is divine, correct? Right. Go with me here on this. Somehow, in the translation of the word and its everyday use in English, it now refers to the suicide bombers of World War II, and basically suicidal action in general. Put the two meanings together, and you get what I mean by living the kamikaze life. There are days when I feel like my life is careening out of control, the warning buttons are beeping at a frantic pace, and I can barely think straight because too much is going on that I can’t even focus on pulling out of the death spiral nose-dive. The kicker, though, is that it all comes from a divine source. No, it doesn’t mean that God hates me and is punishing me by sending things to bring me down to an early demise. Quite the opposite. I am dealing with things that seem bent on my destruction, but in actuality, are sent to help me become who I can and need to be. Is it overwhelming? Yes. But is there a reason for it all? I would have to say yes.

So what I am dealing with or going through? Don’t laugh because it is a lot for me right now, but it can be summed up in one short acronym – GMAT. I’m prepping to take the evil sucker on October 20th (aka in my world as D-Day. No, not Deliverance Day. DOOM DAY). I’m taking a class at BYU to help motivate me. Oh yes. $335 for a class that is eight hours a week - 4 hours on Thursday evening and 4 hours on Saturday morning. When each class is over, I consider it a success if I remember my name and where I parked my car. My brain is impaired that much. The worst of it all is that I chose to be there. AND I PAID FOR IT, TOO! *Sigh* The sacrifices you make to be able to pursue higher education in the world. I’m also doing math and language practice problems every evening for at least an hour. So that means by the time 8:00 has rolled around, I’ve basically sat around all day, either at work or at home, slowly turning my mind into Leah brain-goo. This means that I need to exercise for about an hour while watching an episode of Gilmore Girls in order to bring me back to a somewhat normal state, and then crash into my bed at night. Add all of this insanity to my normal duties as a daughter, sister, chauffeur to my brother, as well as my desires to have somewhat of a social life on weekends, and you get Leah’s kamikaze life.

I’m sure you have all had moments, days, weeks, or periods like this in your life. You know it’s all leading to something. You just don’t know what. Nor when it will happen. But you put up with the craziness because you know that it doesn’t lead you to the end of the path, but rather takes you to a new one, full of new adventures and twists and turns. So we soldier on - until the day when it all makes sense, and we can sit back and breathe a sigh of relief and say… “A-HA!”