Sometimes, around this time of year, you just need a good laugh, with a hint of sarcasm, an a twinge of truth, a pinch of an alternative perspective, and something for the sweet tooth. Thank you, despair.com. Really. Thank you.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
The Bittersweets.
Sometimes, around this time of year, you just need a good laugh, with a hint of sarcasm, an a twinge of truth, a pinch of an alternative perspective, and something for the sweet tooth. Thank you, despair.com. Really. Thank you.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Quotable Quotes
I was reading a qualitative analysis article this weekend. Exciting life I lead, eh? Anyway, I was slogging my way through the 40+ page literary adventure and rightfully tuning in and out at random intervals, though the pages magically kept on being turned, when I found a truly gem of a quote that I think should be shared with all: "The sensation of being bored is usually a signal that you have ceased to think." Dare I say, how true is that? I read that sentence and burst into giggles because I had thought just 30 seconds before how bored I was reading that article. Obviously I had ceased to think, without recognizing that my higher mental operations had recently terminated. Opportune timing for a quippy, and highly applicable quote. I wonder - what other quotes are there that speak to us - or perhaps make us, or those in our close proximity, giggle at opportune moments?
May I offer some examples to get us thinking:
"Marks for trying, George, but I would not allow you to redress my deficit were you the last man on Earth." ("Lost in Austen") - Try using that on someone sometime and see what type of reaction you get. Come on. I triple dog dare you.
"Patience, Grasshopper." (Gilmore Girls - *moment of silence for the yesteryears of quality Gilmore-dom and quick-witted dialogue*)
"Ain't this a geographical oddity. It's two weeks from anywhere." ("O Brother Where Art Thou")
"I'm sorry, Father, but the truth is, this is not my day for talking seriously." "Well, what do you mean, sir?" "I mean that I only talk seriously on the first Tuesday of every month, between the hours of noon and three." ("An Ideal Husband")
"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear. Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." ("An Ideal Husband" - having just one from this show would be criminal.)
"One always passes along good advice. It's the only sensible thing to do with it." ("An Ideal Husband." Okay - to stop at just two would be negligence in the highest order)
"I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delecate, exotic fruit. Touch it, and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did it would prove a serious threat to the upper classes, and probably lead ot acts of violence in Grosvenor Square." (The Importance of Being Earnest")
"You're talking gibberish." ("That Thing You Do")
"Savvy?" ("Pirates of the Caribbean")
"Today, you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest game ever. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule: DODGE.". . . "The whistle makes me their God." ("Supernatural." Dean. In gym shorts. Tube socks. Red sweatband. Posing as a high school gym teacher. Pure unexpected joy on a Thursday night, let me tell you.)
"It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife." (Do I really need to tell you what this is from? Really?)
Person #1: "Question." Person #2: "Yes, I would date Gregory Smith." (Me. This is a me quote. Shameless self-promotion, I know. But this one consistently gets entertaining reactions when used in everyday conversation.)
I am Prince Caspian." (Okay, once again, do I need to put the movie? Yeah. No. But you may be thinking, "when could I ever use this in everday life? Even if you don't say this to anyone, say it outloud when you're feeling down with a sissy Spanish accent, and it will work its magic. Trust me.)
"Ham Porter: Hey, Smalls, you wanna s'more?
Smalls: Some more of what?
Ham Porter: No, do you wanna s'more?
Smalls: I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?
Ham Porter: You're killing me Smalls!" ("The Sandlot")
And for the "Psych" montage: "I've been having this recurring dream where I'm flying over Auckland on the back of a swan made primarily of cocoa. His name is Clem." "My pilot's license? It's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked - problems at the Kazakhstan border. I'd give you the details, but then I'd have to kill you... which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked." "Rally the horses, Jules. We're about to crack your case like an egg. And then we can make umlauts with shallots.... and justice." "Can you check for a John Doe, please? Actually, can you check all the does? Tae-quon, cookie, play, dosee..." "Shawn, this misplaced malevolence you have with the spelling bee is getting monotonous. Stop hating on the bee." "Shawn: Well, at least that gives us the "how". Now we just gotta figure out the "why", which reminds me, Gus, will you please get us those tickets for The Who? Gus: Where?" "You're killing my Jujubees!" "I'm sensing some bad jujumagumbo in here!" "Yes but what isn’t clear is why people always say “goes with out saying” yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was suppose to go with out saying." "The Cheetah is the worst name for a pickup line in the history of mankind. Remember, you treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a greek goddess, and then a person again. Besides, I think Operation Colonel Sugarlemons is a much better move for a place like this." "That's like a genocide of color... somewhere a rainbow is weeping." "Shawn: Wanna split a pineapple? Alice Bundy: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Shawn: My name is Ichibod Fletchman. Sticky Icky to my boys. But that's neither here nor there. What's important is that this baby is 82% Hawaiian and I've got all afternoon. Alice Bundy: Are you a crazy person? Shawn: It's funny I was about to ask you the same thing. Only I was going to add "who likes to make toast" to the end of mine." "Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych?" Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!" "We love you like a brother, well step-brother. Ok maybe like the weird kid that lives down the street and only eats mayonnaise on saltines."
Now. What are your quotable quotes?
May I offer some examples to get us thinking:
"Marks for trying, George, but I would not allow you to redress my deficit were you the last man on Earth." ("Lost in Austen") - Try using that on someone sometime and see what type of reaction you get. Come on. I triple dog dare you.
"Patience, Grasshopper." (Gilmore Girls - *moment of silence for the yesteryears of quality Gilmore-dom and quick-witted dialogue*)
"Ain't this a geographical oddity. It's two weeks from anywhere." ("O Brother Where Art Thou")
"I'm sorry, Father, but the truth is, this is not my day for talking seriously." "Well, what do you mean, sir?" "I mean that I only talk seriously on the first Tuesday of every month, between the hours of noon and three." ("An Ideal Husband")
"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear. Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." ("An Ideal Husband" - having just one from this show would be criminal.)
"One always passes along good advice. It's the only sensible thing to do with it." ("An Ideal Husband." Okay - to stop at just two would be negligence in the highest order)
"I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delecate, exotic fruit. Touch it, and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did it would prove a serious threat to the upper classes, and probably lead ot acts of violence in Grosvenor Square." (The Importance of Being Earnest")
"You're talking gibberish." ("That Thing You Do")
"Savvy?" ("Pirates of the Caribbean")
"Today, you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest game ever. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule: DODGE.". . . "The whistle makes me their God." ("Supernatural." Dean. In gym shorts. Tube socks. Red sweatband. Posing as a high school gym teacher. Pure unexpected joy on a Thursday night, let me tell you.)
"It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife." (Do I really need to tell you what this is from? Really?)
Person #1: "Question." Person #2: "Yes, I would date Gregory Smith." (Me. This is a me quote. Shameless self-promotion, I know. But this one consistently gets entertaining reactions when used in everyday conversation.)
I am Prince Caspian." (Okay, once again, do I need to put the movie? Yeah. No. But you may be thinking, "when could I ever use this in everday life? Even if you don't say this to anyone, say it outloud when you're feeling down with a sissy Spanish accent, and it will work its magic. Trust me.)
"Ham Porter: Hey, Smalls, you wanna s'more?
Smalls: Some more of what?
Ham Porter: No, do you wanna s'more?
Smalls: I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?
Ham Porter: You're killing me Smalls!" ("The Sandlot")
And for the "Psych" montage: "I've been having this recurring dream where I'm flying over Auckland on the back of a swan made primarily of cocoa. His name is Clem." "My pilot's license? It's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked - problems at the Kazakhstan border. I'd give you the details, but then I'd have to kill you... which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked." "Rally the horses, Jules. We're about to crack your case like an egg. And then we can make umlauts with shallots.... and justice." "Can you check for a John Doe, please? Actually, can you check all the does? Tae-quon, cookie, play, dosee..." "Shawn, this misplaced malevolence you have with the spelling bee is getting monotonous. Stop hating on the bee." "Shawn: Well, at least that gives us the "how". Now we just gotta figure out the "why", which reminds me, Gus, will you please get us those tickets for The Who? Gus: Where?" "You're killing my Jujubees!" "I'm sensing some bad jujumagumbo in here!" "Yes but what isn’t clear is why people always say “goes with out saying” yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was suppose to go with out saying." "The Cheetah is the worst name for a pickup line in the history of mankind. Remember, you treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a greek goddess, and then a person again. Besides, I think Operation Colonel Sugarlemons is a much better move for a place like this." "That's like a genocide of color... somewhere a rainbow is weeping." "Shawn: Wanna split a pineapple? Alice Bundy: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Shawn: My name is Ichibod Fletchman. Sticky Icky to my boys. But that's neither here nor there. What's important is that this baby is 82% Hawaiian and I've got all afternoon. Alice Bundy: Are you a crazy person? Shawn: It's funny I was about to ask you the same thing. Only I was going to add "who likes to make toast" to the end of mine." "Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych?" Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!" "We love you like a brother, well step-brother. Ok maybe like the weird kid that lives down the street and only eats mayonnaise on saltines."
Now. What are your quotable quotes?
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